They Say Your First Time is the Hardest

19 Sep

So this is kinda my first blog posting. My first was actually last night over at www.bandbacktogether.com . I am reposting it here now because it will kind of give you some insight as to why I started blogging in the first place. I am so very new to all this so apologies in advance for whatever fomatting mistakes I make. Soon this will be a super snazzy place to hang out. I kind of wish this first post wasnt so much of a downer because I am hoping that there are going to be a lot of laughs over here, cuz lemme tell ya kids, my life is friggin hilarious. And this isn’t meant to be a lesbo blog or a mommy blog or a political blog but I am all of those things. This is just MY blog. And this is my life.  And sometimes shit like this happens ( btw, kids, I curse. Often. Just letting you know in advance ). And all you can do is Just Keep Swimming.

( I have to thank My Aunt Becky for formatting this and making it all sexy for its debut over at Bandbacktogether.com . I was a hot shitty mess when I wrote it and it in no way reflects what are actually pretty darn good grammatical skills. I have to thank Aunt Becky for a lot actually but that is its own post. Thanks also to Guilty Squid who kicked my butt into gear last night and encouraged me to write this in the first place. )

SOMEONE FUCKED WITH MY KID

I have wanted to post here for a long time. I have a story. It is a painful story. Maybe it’s painful only to me, I don’t know. I’ve been so humbled by the stories I have read here and felt unworthy; like my own problems can’t possibly be as bad. I have followed these writers – I will not call them bloggers because to me they are writers as impactful and as important as any that were found on my bullshit high school reading lists.

They do not know that they have been life lines. They do not know that they have given me validation. They do not know that they have made me feel like part of something bigger. And I have felt unworthy to speak in these forums because I have not suffered the same losses, the same blows, the same sickness…how could I be part of this tribe? But today, in this strange world of twitter that I am still trying to understand, someone gave me the invitation and therefore the permission to post here.

Today, someone fucked with my kid.

Maybe this is the way, the opening of the floodgates, where I feel important enough. Maybe this is where my story gets validation. And I will tell my story, most of which has nothing to do with this incident.

And I want to tell you all so many of my stories because it has taken so long for me to realize that I HAVE a story, that my shit was fucked up, that I got a raw deal, that some of how I am is because of what happened. But right now none of that matters, my story is not important, my hurts are not important, nothing is important except the fact that someone. fucked. with. my. kid.

My kid is gay. I am gay. What these two things have to do with one another I could care less about. The Bean (my kid), is a carbon copy of me in so many ways. We love hard, heavy and openly. She has been raised as a political kid in Washington DC, where there is a rally or march every other week and if it is something we believe in – from gay rights to women’s rights to immigration rights to arts funding to DC statehood – we march for it and we are loud and do not back down.

I taught her that. I taught her about gay bashing and Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena and the Trevor Project and all the horrible things that happen to people because of how they love. I taught her to be the head of her Gay-Straight Alliance at school.  We matched in our rainbow outfits for the Marriage Equality March. The youth-friendly Gay Pride after-party has always been at our house. She knew she could fight because her mama was always there by her side.

Mama was not with her today on The Metro with her girlfriend.

It was a beautiful day here today. Finally, the humidity had broken and I was down at The H Street Festival, one of the city’s biggest festivals. Bean was supposed to meet me at H street but she is slightly geographically challenged and by the time she figured out where to go, it was time to go home. I told her that I’d meet her at The Metro and ride home with the two of them.

As I got off the train, I noticed that Bean and …we’ll call her Banana…were in the car ahead of me. As I moved to catch up with them, Banana noticed me and said “That man messed with us.”

Oh, hell no.

I bypassed the checkout and went straight through the emergency exit and demanded, “Do you have a problem with my daughter?”

To which he responded, “Children don’t need to see that gay shit on the train.”

I discovered that when he said something to Bean, she said something back to him. So this truly classy gentleman, in his fifties made a fist at my seventeen-year old daughter and told her to “step to him.” This man was also still in his security guard uniform with his name tag. He was a douche-bag security guard at an amusement park.

The details are kinda cliche but suffice to say I turned into every inch the stereotype of a pissed off black woman.

I grew an extra vertebrae so I could roll my head, my finger grew an inch or two to help me point at his face and I learned all kinds of different ways to conjugate “motherfucker.” Eventually, Bean saw me pulling an Arizona Iced tea bottle out of my bag and pulled me towards the car. That was after he informed me that if I was any kind of mother, I wouldn’t have a gay kid, and what my daughter and I both needed was some of his twelve inches, and I needed to bend over and take some of him because I needed to be put in my place.

Ahem.

I told this story to my friends on Facebook and Twitter and the tears in my eyes right now are not because of the incident, but because of the amazing outpouring of support, piss and vinegar that I’ve gotten. My friends are contacting Six Flags where Mr Antonio Washington works demanding that Mr. Antonio Washington be removed from working around kids. My friends are re-posting my note so people know this kind of hatred and ignorance is real. They are sending love to a little girl that many of them haven’t ever met.

And what is that little girl doing ? She sat on her mommy’s lap for about 5 minutes.  Mommy was busy yelling on the phone, Tweeting and trying to fix all of her favorite foods at once. And she was okay. I overheard her on the phone.

“He didn’t know who he was messing with. My mom is so mad and you don’t mess with my mom.”

I read her Facebook Status, “Some asshole was dumb enough to bash my mom’s kid. He’ll be sorry.”

I listened to Banana  “Man, your mom doesn’t play around!” They just made Pizza Rolls and popcorn and are being WAY squeal-y watching horror movies.

Just got off the phone with Six Flags General Counsel. At 9:30 on a Saturday night.

So I guess, to be cliche and because I love NPR , This I Know Is True:

Just because you were an 18-year old teenage mother with a GED and a crack-addicted mother in the murder capitol of the world, you can still be a good mom.

I’m a good mom because I taught my kid to fight for her rights – her rights as a woman, as a black woman, as a black/latina woman, as a black/latina gay woman.

I’m a good mom because she knows her momma is never too far away and will KICK THE FUCKING TEETH OUT of anyone who messes with her.

I’m a good mom because at the end of the day she still wants to sit on my lap and play with my hair.

As Aunt Becky taught me, we are, none of us, ever alone. The outpouring of rage and support over this has been amazing. I have seen this story, in the matter of about 2 hours be posted, tweeted and spread across states and continents. There are warm and fuzzies everywhere and most of you don’t even know the Bean.

I have a story. And there are people out there to listen. Now someone pour me a shot.

  I mean who would want to mess with that face ?

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4 Responses to “They Say Your First Time is the Hardest”

  1. Shelli September 20, 2010 at 1:28 am #

    Glad you started a blog. I’ll be here.

  2. Poppy September 21, 2010 at 2:55 am #

    Your daughter is beautiful.

    I love that you conjugated motherfucker. It deserves conjugation in this instance.

    I was going through your post at Band Back Together trying to find your blog so I could find it in my feed reader. Thank goodness you started one. 🙂

    • Poppy September 21, 2010 at 2:56 am #

      *add it in my feed reader (I never proofread)

  3. C_Girl September 21, 2010 at 4:01 pm #

    Hey I loved that Band Back Together post! What a small internet it is…welcome to the blog world!

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